by Tanya, Ph.D.

Tantric love-making is a matter of the heart and feelings. The two partners come to each other from the sacred heart space and meet each other on the level of their high being – that part of them that is their most beautiful, loving, compassionate, up-lifted selves. They honor, cherish and revere each other because they chose to focus on the best in each other, especially during their intimate times together. They bring sacredness to their sexual experiences with each other and yet at the same time free up that part of them that is wild, abandoned, primitive and spontaneous. In normal love-making, the novelty of new lovers keeps them very attentive and honoring with each other and thus the sex is hot. Over-time familiarity steps in and couples become less attentive and honoring with each other, and begin to take each other for granted. They do the same thing over and over again in the same location and, often at the same times, and are not fully attentive as they do it. As a result the sex becomes routine and they lose their desire for each other and become disappointed in their sexual partnership with each other.

Normal sex is a fast moving, continual escalating rise of energy from no excitement to a peak of excitement and orgasm The goal of intercourse is orgasm – an orgasm on the part of the man that comes far too soon for most women to have orgasm during intercourse. Tantric sex has no goal but to enjoy the moment. It is a slow, heart connected, experience with rises and falls of energy and plateaus and multiple peaks that goes on and on over extended time.

With Tantricas, there is a lot of eye contact and heart connection, a lot of playfulness and even silliness. There may be breaks for erotic dancing, snacks, a change of positions, such as from man on top to scissors position, or from sitting in yab yum to anal sex, from sensual massage and erotic sensual delights that pleasure the skin, taste, smell and ears of a blind folded receiver, and that might include sucking liqueur off a breast, or searching for a grape in a yoni (the Tantric term for vagina), to making love in a Tantra swing hung from the ceiling. There is no push for anyone’s orgasm and at no point does anyone want there to be more arousal than there is. The desire only is to totally enjoy whatever is happening and to be fully present to it to all the enjoyment it has to offer.

The bodies of Tantricas are relaxed and abandoned. There is no resistance to the sexual energy. They are fluid and undulating and shift positions often. Typically, lovers are fairly rigid; their body’s tense with the sexual energy and apart from the man moving in and out with powerful, and often numbing thrusting, there is little movement.

Tantricas use their breath, attention, the movement of their bodies, the contraction of their p.c. muscles, their sounds and their imagination or consciousness to move their sexual energy from their genitals into their body so that their whole body becomes alive and turned on with sexual energy. Some of that sexual energy may be taken out of the genitals in the case of the man, which means that he is a little less aroused genitally and in a better position to receive more arousal without ejaculating. In normal sex all attention remains on the genitals and building the energy there and so ejaculation happens much more quickly.

Tantricas know that where consciousness goes, energy flows. They use their concentrated attention to move their energy throughout their body, particularly sending it to their heart and third eye, which is their spiritual center. In this way, they can experience the unions of the sexual and spiritual energy and imbue their sexual energy with their love for their partner. This movement of their energy results in streams of vibrations and the experience of light moving through their body. They can similarly use their consciousness to direct this energy into their partner and to receive this energy from their partner in a variety of configurations. Through this means Tantricas create a great deal of their own turn-on instead of relying on their partner to turn them on. Ordinarily, the sexual energies and experiences of the non-Tantrica are more dependent upon each other, in that each is more reliant or the visual and kinesthetic behavior of their partner for their turn-on rather than on their own ability to access and run sexual and love energy. Their sexual energies are also more separate from their partner in that they are more focused on the arousing sensations in their own body or the fantasies in their secret mind, than on the movement of sexual energies between their bodies in a variety of configurations and on the experience of their merged energies becoming as one.

Tantricas slow down time and slow down the speed of their sexual experience by slow, deep belly breathing. Exhalations are often through the mouth with a sigh or a sound that gives voice to the sexual feeling that is being experienced. In normal sex, breathing is often fast and shallow. There may be panting or very little breathing at all.

Sound is a key to the sexual energy of the Tantrica. The Tantrica is very noisy throughout lovemaking; making moans and groans, sighs, gasps, etc. Non-Tantric lovemaking is much more silent, especially on the part of the male, with most sound coming at the moment of orgasm. All sound is energy. Sexual sound is sexual energy. When you make sexual sounds you fill your body with sexual energy. You fill the room with sexual energy, you partner hears and they get filled with sexual energy. The more your body is filled with sexual energy the more energy you have to send to your partner and the closer you are to full body orgasm. For a male Tantrica who knows ejaculation mastery, that means orgasm without ejaculation and the opportunity to keep on making love and having many more orgasms.

Normal sex is wonderful but it has trouble withstanding the test of time and every long, successful relationship puts it to the test of time. Tantric sex is more wonderful and becomes more wonderful over time. This is because Tantric couples share the deep truth of their existence with each other and acknowledge and honor each other, thereby becoming continuously more emotionally intimate. Emotional intimacy is the foundation of sexual intimacy in long-term relationships. When you add to this emotional intimacy and the sacred heart space that leads to it, the Tantrica’s skill in focusing their attention in their senses and out of their mind, in moving their sexual energy and merging it with their spiritual energy and with their partner’s energy, and in surrendering to each other from the place of their high being, you have Tantric sex.